Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
