We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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