we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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