I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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