I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
