So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
