i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
