the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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