is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
