I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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