it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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