u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You had me at "let me see your balls"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
