I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
