you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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