if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize