Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
