I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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