He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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