dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
