just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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