I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
