Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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