Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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