I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
