I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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