I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
