it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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