Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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