Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
