There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Damn victory sex feels great
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I had to cum in my sink.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
