Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I understand Curling. That high.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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