He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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