we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
