I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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