Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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