I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
