If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
