i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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