I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
