hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
