If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
