I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
