So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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