He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
