Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
