Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
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