FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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