yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
