I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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