whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
