Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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