just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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