Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
