I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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