dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
