i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
