you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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