In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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