i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
